Chapter Text
It was a particularly complicated time in Tommy's life. There were a lot of different things going down. Dangerous things. And it most definitely was not a great time to be dating anyone. But YN wasn't just 'anyone'. To Tommy, she had very quickly and very unexpectantly, become everything. For the past year, it was YN that kept him sane during the whole fracture between his family. And with Luca Changretta still plotting his revenge against every single member of the Shelby clan, he thanked God that he had kept her completely separated from his family and business life. She was his escape. With her, his existence was simpler, uncomplicated. Cherished. Every secret second he stole by her side recharged him, settled him in ways he could never have imagined. Every night spent warming her bed gave him hours of blissful dreamless sleep. So, when he looked up from the ringside during the Goliath vs Bonnie Gold match to see her seat empty, he found himself unable to breathe.
Tommy started the night in good spirits, just happy knowing YN was there. Even if she was sitting anonymously across the opposite side of the hall, finding his thoughts already caught amongst the quiet moments he would steal away with her at the end of the night. When Arthur grew concerned of the men in Goliath's corner, he urged him not to worry, to calm down and enjoy the match. And even when one of the men disappeared from ringside and Arthur felt the need to investigate, Tommy thought it was his older brother's paranoia taking hold. But when Arthur didn't return before the second man in Goliath's corner slipped into the crowd, Tommy instantly found his stomach in knots, his eyes gravitating to YN's seat.
It was empty.
Maybe he was overreacting. Maybe she had slipped away to the ladies. Or maybe she found herself completely disinterested in boxing and left to wait for him at their hotel room. Or maybe the growing knot in his stomach told him something much more unthinkable was taking place. Jumping from his seat, Tommy wasted no more time, easily slipping through the crowd, following the same path as Arthur.
It was unnervingly quiet walking down the passage and into the back rooms of the venue, Tommy barely registering the excitement of the crowd as it faded into the background. Only interested in the silence around him. But it was too much. Bellowing out both YN and Arthur's name, his voice echoed and bounced off the tiled walls around him, his call answered by a gun shot. Tommy's blood ran cold. The deafening sound vibrated through every cell in his body as if it had pierced his very flesh and Tommy couldn't escape the hollow feeling that YN was somehow tangled in the mess.
Tommy moved desperately in and out of doorways in the direction of the gunshot, finding nothing. Until he turned the corner into a dimly lit room. But there was no mistaking what he saw, and he knew the scene before him would be forever burnt to his memory, causing him instantaneous regret. Arthur hunched over, visibly shaken as he clutched at his blood-stained neck, working hard to regain his breath. But he was alive. And beside him lay one of the men from Goliath's corner, in a pool of his own blood, his face half blown away. But it was YN. Standing in that very same room, a room she was never supposed to be in, that had the regret burning like fire in his throat. Backed up against the cold tiled wall her whole body was trembling, arms outstretched as her hands clamped around Arthur's pistol; knuckles white.
Tommy stepped into the room, startling her. Terrified, her trembling body swung around to face him, waving Arthur's pistol unsteadily in his direction. All her features were overcome with fear, drained and washed out, his regret now burning bitter in his mouth. Moving towards her, he outstretched his hands, recognition dawning across her face. And when he whispered her name, she fell apart.
Simultaneously, the pistol slipped from her fingers, as her body slid down the wall, Tommy reaching her before she hit the floor, cradling her head, whispering against her ear, "It's okay... you're okay. I've got you." Shaking his head, he found it hard to keep control of his voice, guilt ripping through his words, "I'm sorry... I'm so f*cking sorry... I didn't want this for you... I..." Tommy felt sick seeing her this way. Because of him, she had taken a man's life, she didn't deserve that kind of burden and there was nothing he could do to take it back.
"Tommy." Arthur's hoarse voice broke through his stupor. Looking across to his brother, he was no longer hunched over, but was instead standing before him, a steady stream of blood running from a gash to his neck. Speaking again, he gestured to the body on the floor, his words rough and strained, "I don't know who the hell she is, Tommy, but he was tryin' to drag her out the f*ckin' door." Running blood-stained hands through his hair, he rubbed the back of his head, "I ripped her from his grip, but he f*ckin' got me Tommy, he had me... I'd be dead. She saved my f*ckin' arse."
Tommy shuddered, not even allowing himself to think about what might have happened if Arthur didn't reach her in time, all while he was too busy ignoring his brother's concerns. Sudden gratitude spilled from his mouth, "Thank you, Arthur. You were right... I didn't listen, but you were f*cking right."
Arthur crouched down, and whispered as if there were people in the room who could listen, "Who is she Tommy, and what does Changretta want with her?"
Surely the fact that he was on the ground cradling YN was explanation enough, but Tommy answered anyway, "She's my girlfriend... I love her... that's the all reason he needs." And it was those words as they left his lips, that brought about an instant and upsetting decision.
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Luca Changretta was no longer a threat. He had been dealt with in the most final way. Until the moment Arthur unloaded a bullet into his head, Changretta thought both Arthur and YN were dead, leaving Tommy's exit plan for the mafia boss sailing through without a hitch. But there was still one thing left for Tommy to do. Something that tore at his insides, just thinking about it. But there was no other choice.
It was necessary.
Staring at YN's front door, he took a deep breath, unable to put it off any longer. Lifting the iron knocker, he tapped it against the timber and cleared his throat, waiting for the sound of her footsteps and yet, hoping not to hear them. Never had he waited at her door with such trepidation, any stress or worries usually melted away the moment his eyes caught sight of her house. Always far too confident that he'd never been seen. God, he had been so f*cking stupid.
YN opened the door with one of her breathtaking smiles, she was not going to make this easy. f*ck, he was going to miss those smiles. Burning the image to memory, he went to speak, but she leaned forward and planted a kiss to his lips, her sweet voice announcing, "Thomas Shelby... you're late, you're never late." Tommy inhaled deeply, knowing that soon enough he wouldn't be able to recall the sound of her voice, when what he really wanted was to wake up to it every single morning.
Internally nodding, Tommy realised she was right, he had been putting this meeting off all afternoon, and when she stepped aside to let him come in, he found his feet cemented to her doorstep, his voice lost upon his lips. Seeing his hesitation, her features suddenly clouded with apprehension and concern. And it tore him to shreds. "What's wrong, Tommy? What happened?" Grabbing his hand, she pulled him inside, sitting them both down in the parlour, "Tell me, what's going on?"
Tommy didn't want to be inside her house, he wanted to drop the news and leave, but she deserved more, so much more. Chewing on his lip, he inhaled deeply and cleared his throat, working hard to keep his voice convincing, "YN... I... I can't be with you anymore." YN jumped from the seat as if he'd slapped her. Tommy's eyes shifted to the floor, concentrating on a scratch in the timber beside his foot, "It's not safe anymore... people know who you are now... I... I'd never survive if something happened to you... I'd never forgive myself."
"Tommy!" A few seconds of silence followed before she called his name again, "Tommy... you need to look at me!" This was not a good idea, no good could come from seeing her face, but how could he deny her? After everything she had given him over the past year. All those stolen moments and blissful memories... memories that would keep him functioning during all the lonely nights that would follow without her.
Lifting his head, he kept his gaze unfocused, worried her expression might destroy his resolve. Not that it mattered, her words and tone conveyed everything. She was furious. But she didn't raise her voice once. "No... No Tommy." Her comment snapped his eyes into focus and the determination he saw; on her face; in her posture, it took him by surprise.
Shifting in his seat, he couldn't think, couldn't stop the internal wall of his will from crumbling, with every word she spoke. "I won't let you do this. I could die crossing the road today. I could get sick tomorrow and die next week. I could die giving birth or fall asleep and never wake up." Drawing a breath, she shook her head, it was barely noticeable, "People die every day, Tommy, there's nothing we can do about it, but I'm not going to let you give me up."
Kneeling down, her hands enveloped his face, demanding his attention, "I'm not going to miss out on a life with you, how ever long or short that may be... Do you not think I'm terrified of losing you too?"
Tommy shook his head, but his wall of resolve was gone, and he knew the words he spoke were no more than white noise, "My life... it's dangerous... Just being with me is-"
Losing patience, she cut his white noise short with unyielding hands, refusing to let him look away. Her eyes were fierce. And her decision was final. There would be no negotiations. "Just shut up Tommy, stop talking. I love you. And I know you love me.... I'm not stupid, I know the risk I'm taking. But for you, I'm willing to take it."
